Mirror Torment Aunt Coleen Nolan counsels a woman who has fallen into a marriage but feels trapped and wants to start over with her ex-boyfriend
Dear Coleen,
I got married a few months ago and I realized it was a terrible mistake.
I felt coaxed into this by my husband and then swept up in the arrangements by friends and family.
We only got together after I came out of a long-term relationship.
I really loved my ex and still do – that’s part of the problem – but we broke up after I miscarried and the relationship was struggling.
He wanted the baby and I didn’t, and I think he kind of blamed me for everything that happened, like I kind of cursed the pregnancy, even though he never said it.
However, we parted on good terms, remained friends and still speak to each other occasionally.
The truth is I still want to be with my ex and I think he might feel the same way.
I’m sure my husband knows this deep down, which is why he threw himself into marriage.
He’s also paranoid about my social media and keeps asking if I’ve been in touch with my ex.
He’s a bit obsessed to be honest and I feel like I’m trapped. I see no way out of this mess and I feel really stupid.
There is a way out. What you’re saying is, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault, but it’s not working.
“I jumped into marriage when I wasn’t sure and should take some time off to really think it over.” That’s all you can do.
You can’t stay with someone because of guilt.
He will be hurt and angry and others will be sad and disappointed, but you just have to accept that and work on it.
You know in your heart that marriage is wrong.
You don’t have to worry about being judged by other people – they don’t have to live your life.
You made a mistake and what you need to focus on now is how to build on it. Own it – say, “Yes, I made a mistake.”
However, don’t leave the marriage expecting to get back into another relationship with your ex. It might happen, it might not.
If this is the case, you would have a lot of work to do to solve the problems that separated you.
And if it doesn’t happen, it would be good for you to take the time to get to know yourself and your desires before you rush into anything else.
Source: mirror